What I wish I knew, part 3

Alright. I am finally pulling this {short, but important} blog series through the finish line. Just joining me and wondering what you missed??

For part 1: What I wish I knew before I was pregnant, click here.
For part 2: What I wish I knew before Caroline arrived, click here.

For this last blog post of the series I'm going to cover - What I wish I knew before I went back to work. I returned to work about 8 weeks ago, so I haven't figured it all out just yet. But I have managed to glean some wisdom, much I which I learned the hard way.

1. Learn your new feeding routine early. During the three months I was at home during maternity leave, I basically nursed Caroline on demand, whenever she was hungry, where ever I was in the house. I learned to love nursing her (which I never thought I would). But I enjoyed it so much, and loved the ease of the whole thing, that we never really got into a good mommy's-not-here-right-now rhythm. I didn't really start pumping regularly until about 2 weeks before I went back to work, and even then, I wasn't really feeding Caroline from a bottle. In fact, when I went back to work, Caroline had only eaten from a bottle maybe 8 times, and I was still getting the hang of pumping both sides at the same time. Looking back, it all worked out just fine, but mostly thanks to Caroline's insatiable hunger. So do as I say, not as I do. Even though pumping and then feeding from a bottle is twice as much work when you are home, make sure you have this down (for you and your child's sake) way before you head back to work. You will face many more adjustments, and this shouldn't be one of them.

2. Succumb to the fact that you can't do everything "just like before". The best way I can describe this is through example. Before I got pregnant, and even while I was pregnant, if we needed food - I would just find time and energy to go grocery shopping. Very rarely were our cabinets ever totally bare. Unless we just returned from vacation, I was rarely faced with the "I only have salt, butter, soy sauce and baking soda" dilemma. Even once Caroline came along and I was still on maternity leave, I would plan my shopping trip around her nap time, and she would sleep through the whole errand in the cart. (Well, in her car seat, in the cart.) But once I went back to work - this was totally unrealistic. I tried to convince myself that I had the time, and the energy, to "fit it in". But I was wrong. Instead of adjusting how I went grocery shopping, we would go for two weeks without any "real food" in the house. Inevitably, I would finish putting Caroline to bed, it would be late, and I would ask the age old question, "What do you want for dinner?" - knowing I really didn't have anything to offer. So we ordered take out, night after night. I felt like a bad wife, I felt like I was eating bad food, and I felt like we were stuck in a vicious, unhealthy cycle. When I finally accepted that the old way of doing things wasn't going to work anymore - I started planning out my meals and just paid the extra fee for grocery delivery. It takes a bit more planning, but a lot less work. Now we always have food in the house, I always know what's for dinner, and we're never stuck ordering take out because I couldn't get my act together. I'm happier, less stressed, and feel healthy again. So whether it's your groceries, or something else, realize that your system, or your plan, or whatever you want to call it - it might need to change.

3. Realize that "This might not be the time in your life when you [fill in the blank]." I wish I could say I learned this tip all on my own - but actually I need to give credit to a friend at work, who is a recent mom herself. I still don't love this idea, but I am learning to accept it. Again, I will describe by way of example. My [blank]? Workout. Now that my days are spent at work and not at home, my free time is minimal. And whether I like it or not, I would rather give my free time to Caroline, than go to the gym. My abs hate me for it, but I wouldn't trade that time with my daughter. If it means I get to see her for 90 additional minutes (if you count time spent working out and travel time) when she's awake and in a good mood, then I can workout another day...whenever that is. So even though working out is one of my most valued and treasured activities, my daughter is more important and my time is limited. I am learning to accept that this might not be the time in my life when I workout often. But as Caroline gets older and things get easier, I will get that time back one day. And for now, I'm okay with that.

4. Work will be easier and harder than you remember. Both. At the same time. I loved being at home with Caroline when I was on maternity leave. Loved, loved, loved. And that's impressive, because I love working. But going back to work was still an adjustment. It was terribly hard to be separated from her everyday. To relinquish her care to someone else. To miss her dearly, knowing someone else was feeding her, soothing her when she cried, smiling back at her - someone that's not you. Even though I've been back for almost 8 weeks now, it's not any easier leaving her every morning. But I've accepted it. And pumping at work is not easy, to be honest. It means scheduling two pumping sessions a day around meetings. It means stopping work mid-stream to go pump, then having to gear back up afterward. It means knowing that you need. to. leave. at. exactly. 5:00 - or you'll be late to pick up your child/relieve the nanny/beat all the rush hour traffic - or else. But at the same time, it's easier than you'll remember. That conundrum maybe isn't such a big deal and it's easier to have a good perspective on work problems. Did you know you can go to the bathroom - anytime you WANT?!? Crazy! And sometimes it means gaining new respect from coworkers, "She has a family now. She's a committed and responsible employee." And sometimes it means proving your worth, "Yes, I have a family, but while I'm at work, being a good employee is my priority." Balancing new perceptions, reaffirming old ones, overcoming withdrawal, but relishing a taste of freedom - it's an emotional roller coaster. It takes work, it takes an adjustment. But it gets easier. Promise.

5. Find people to talk to. People like you. Hubby is my best friend. We are coming up on five years of marriage this March. That's like legit, people. But as much as he tries to understand how hard it is to be a mom, a wife, an employee, and every other hat I wear - he can't. Not that Hubby doesn't pull his share of the weight. He absolutely does. But somehow, I underestimated the value of talking to people "like me". Other moms, working moms, making it all happen - like me. I recently joined a working mom's group, and we meet every other Thursday night for an hour and a half. We talk about what it's like at work, what we deal with at home, what challenges we are facing, and what's going well. Even though I just met these women, and I am only just learning their stories - being around other moms who face the challenge of balancing work and family - it's therapeutic. It's necessary. I leave the outings feeling better equipped to deal with my troubles, and better off than I thought. So find people you can relate to and find people that will listen. Make it a priority. I realized that I need this time more than I thought, more than I could have anticipated.

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So friends, that's it. I hope this series has been helpful for some of you, or at least enjoyable to read for others. I found that for myself, it was helpful for my soul - this last post especially. Being a mom is such a wild, joyful ride. But I've found in many ways I have been totally unprepared - emotionally and mentally - for the challenge. Often when I have asked for advice, I don't know that people truly remember, or don't know how to share their experience. Perhaps what I've written will be totally different than what you will experience, or felt you did experience. Maybe next year at this time, I will read this post and feel totally differently about this time in my life. Maybe my memories will be dim, or magnified. But this sums up how I've felt and how I'm feeling. And for now, that's enough.