>> August 22, 2011
With exactly one week left in my maternity leave (eek gads time flies!), I have been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching, mainly about balance. The past 11 weeks have been a true joy watching my daughter enter this world and grow and learn and explore. But like our college years, the summer is drawing to a close and we all must return back to
school, err... work, sometime.
But now that our lovely, yet temporary routine is just getting going, it's back to work for me and we have to toss a wrench in the peaceful summer fun. I worry how Caroline will take to the new routine and how Riley will go back to missing us during the daytime.
And with this worry and anticipation, I have been thinking a lot about balance. How to balance life demands, with life desires, with life's necessities. I know so many friends, and so many women in general try to live up to the perfectionist ideals of being a mom, a wife, a parent, a partner, an employee. Hell, isn't SJP coming out with that movie in just a few weeks? Are we desperately seeking a life that only the movies can tell?
Even with gorgeous Caroline at home, I still haven't accepted that I can't - physically - do it all. Even though I frankly haven't been doing it all that well, if I'm telling the truth. But since my "mommy hat" will now be in rotation with my "worker bee hat", I am trying to mentally come to terms with the idea that something's gotta give.
And, thus, back to "balance". I want to spent 24 hours a day with Caroline, but obviously need to work. I want to go to the gym every day like I did before Caroline, but of course, that means less time with Little Miss. I need to clean my house, but of course laundry, cleaning, tidying - that's less time that I can put toward cooking, errands, and (of course) spending time with Caroline. But those things have to get done, as well - and preferably without ordering take out every night. If only I were as cool as Rachel Zoe, and could just take my kid everywhere with me - and oh yeah - had a boatload of assistance.
So what must I give up? Sleep? Eating well? Feeling good? A clean house? I am pretty sure that if I gave up even one of those, I would feel totally out of balance. But I do know this: I will be prioritizing my daughter, and I guess the rest will have to just fall into place as we figure out this new routine, our new daily pattern.
This blog entry doesn't really have an end point - I guess I will just be figuring it all out over the next weeks, months, years. But I am going to try to stay balanced. I will still be blogging - because I like all you folks. And blogging - even if it's just once a week - has been healthy for my soul and my brain. So bear with me, as I venture into the second stage of this journey and learn to balance everything, and maybe learn how to let go...juuuust a little.
*Thanks to Isabel of Furie Photography who took my gorgeous newborn baby portraits!