Balance

With exactly one week left in my maternity leave (eek gads time flies!), I have been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching, mainly about balance. The past 11 weeks have been a true joy watching my daughter enter this world and grow and learn and explore. But like our college years, the summer is drawing to a close and we all must return back to school, err... work, sometime.

We have just settled into a routine in this house. Caroline is starting to sleep so well - or at least go back to sleep so well - so our nights have gotten easier and happier. We are settling into a great daytime plan - taking naps, eating so well, and getting out for walks, baby movies and errands. I am finally learning how to balance mommy-hood with all my other self-inflicted duties: sleeping, cooking, laundering, working out....showering.

But now that our lovely, yet temporary routine is just getting going, it's back to work for me and we have to toss a wrench in the peaceful summer fun. I worry how Caroline will take to the new routine and how Riley will go back to missing us during the daytime.

And with this worry and anticipation, I have been thinking a lot about balance. How to balance life demands, with life desires, with life's necessities. I know so many friends, and so many women in general try to live up to the perfectionist ideals of being a mom, a wife, a parent, a partner, an employee. Hell, isn't SJP coming out with that movie in just a few weeks? Are we desperately seeking a life that only the movies can tell?

Even with gorgeous Caroline at home, I still haven't accepted that I can't - physically - do it all. Even though I frankly haven't been doing it all that well, if I'm telling the truth. But since my "mommy hat" will now be in rotation with my "worker bee hat", I am trying to mentally come to terms with the idea that something's gotta give.

And, thus, back to "balance". I want to spent 24 hours a day with Caroline, but obviously need to work. I want to go to the gym every day like I did before Caroline, but of course, that means less time with Little Miss. I need to clean my house, but of course laundry, cleaning, tidying - that's less time that I can put toward cooking, errands, and (of course) spending time with Caroline. But those things have to get done, as well - and preferably without ordering take out every night. If only I were as cool as Rachel Zoe, and could just take my kid everywhere with me - and oh yeah - had a boatload of assistance.

So what must I give up? Sleep? Eating well? Feeling good? A clean house? I am pretty sure that if I gave up even one of those, I would feel totally out of balance. But I do know this: I will be prioritizing my daughter, and I guess the rest will have to just fall into place as we figure out this new routine, our new daily pattern.

This blog entry doesn't really have an end point - I guess I will just be figuring it all out over the next weeks, months, years. But I am going to try to stay balanced. I will still be blogging - because I like all you folks. And blogging - even if it's just once a week - has been healthy for my soul and my brain. So bear with me, as I venture into the second stage of this journey and learn to balance everything, and maybe learn how to let go...juuuust a little.

*Thanks to Isabel of Furie Photography who took my gorgeous newborn baby portraits!